my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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