I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
this hospital has no fireball
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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