Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
