Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
