Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
