So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize