Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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