I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He shit in the fireplace
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
