yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
