You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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