Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
