a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize