I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize