I am puke
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
