I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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