uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We need to get me chipped asap
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
soo... how was my night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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