my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize