I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
