it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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