I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize