I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
