12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
