They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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