So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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