I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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