why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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