I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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