I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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