i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
