Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
