Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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