I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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