I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
