Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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