I just threw up on my dentist
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
