Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
