He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
