i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize