I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
