he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize