We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
