Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
