how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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