I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
