I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
