A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize