i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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