Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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