saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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