It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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