It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
