We named our party play list daddy issues
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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