my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
