well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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