i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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