i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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