Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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