I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
