Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
birth control should be required to get into college
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
