Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm at about main and main street
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
