You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i out mim tonsoeep
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize