Screwed.edu
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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