i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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