he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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