Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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