So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
