Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
