I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
