I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
