Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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