i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
