We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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