yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize