dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I still have a little drunk in my system
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
