THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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