i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
