No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
