careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
