The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
