I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
