my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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