2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
