So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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