it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
