I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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