In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
