Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
we made out on top of his cat.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
